Author: statik

the future

statik

As humans we build and surround ourselves with monuments of the past, both in stone and in the ritualistic honoring of events that we see as having shaped our society in such a way that they deserve to be memorialized. A nostalgic grip upon a past none of us have touched in the flesh.

We like to honor leaders and soldiers, some who fought in wars that took place hundreds of years ago. We honor their sacrifice to a cause we only have tangential connections too.

In a way it is this perverse obsession with the past, surrounded by the images, words, and codes of time passed, that can blind us and inhibit our effort to focus on the future, and most importantly: the now. Yet the past can also help us from making the same mistakes over and over, or so they say. If you study history you know that saying is a complete joke, because over the eons one of the things humans have done consistently is make the same mistakes repeatedly.

That doesn’t mean our past is filled with failure, by any means, the human species is quite remarkable and we have built some pretty incredible things, from breathtaking architecture, to the humble microprocessor which is allowing our current form of communication: the web blog.

While we fixate on the past, we can easily forget the tens of thousands who are yet to be born. We neglect aspects of our world, sometimes because of the way we have bound ourselves to our old ways. The environment suffers along with the way we care for people– that being healthcare and financial security. Many would ask: “Have we lost our way?”

A good portion of them would also say that our ‘way’ ends in disaster. Our past cannot save us from our eventual end, which could come a million different ways; dealer’s choice. And yet, my dear reader, you may not have guessed that I am, in fact, not so pessimistic.

We should not seek any shelter in the past, we should live for today and help others so they may do the same. The future, after all, is what we make it. So let’s make it excellent.

the unchangeable past

statik

After the final flicker of the television screen when the room falls into complete darkness and my head hits the pillow, it begins. The past becomes the present in my mind; a mental inquisition of all of my bad decisions, missed opportunities and chances not taken. Nothing short of torture, the grip of my regret tightens around my body like a boa constrictor squeezing the air from my lungs.

I toss and turn while I try to focus on the positive memories, as there are a few of those as well, but on this night they are no respite from the darkness of my past. Stupid, so stupid! Why did I do this, why didn’t I do that!? If only I could go back and change it, make the right decisions, things could be different. An impossibility that hurts the most.

We’re all a collection of the mistakes we made and the choices we chose. A bundle of snap decisions made in the heat of the moment with little thought given, or perhaps in some instances an over abundance of deliberation in which the moment of a better choice passed on by. All the times we shied away from a good thing, for silly reasons. Guarding ourselves against the possibility of being hurt, and missing out on something truly great, even if it was to be fleeting.

In the youthful exuberance of care free days, it is hard to recognize these truths. You can’t see the forest through the trees, you live for the moment and give nary a care for the future. Oh sure, you have ideas in your head about the future, what it will be like and who you will become, but those ideas rarely manifest precisely. Of course you could obsess over your future, spend every day and night working towards it by studying for school or learning this or that, every waking moment in dedication to realize your dreams only to miss out on the present; miss out on your youth. There is a balance that must be found I suppose, such is the state of life and the universe… a balance perhaps, I never found.

Just before sleep finally comes, I tell myself lies. There is plenty of time to experience life, and to make better decisions. To do what I never got the chance to do, be whoever I want to be. I lie to myself and say that anything is possible.

I say, it is no lie, as long as you believe it…

good riddance

statik

When I started this blog nearly a year ago I did not have any idea what a unrelenting disaster 2020 would become. Maybe I can blame this years misfortunes on my very sporadic (almost absent really) posting, or at least for the lack of will to do so.

The year began with a small dark cloud that was a novel virus, that turned into a massive thunderstorm that swept across the globe, pouring chaos down unto the world. Even today as I write this on New Years Eve, just a few hours local time until it is officially a new year, we are still in the grip of the coronavirus pandemic. We are learning to live differently, more cautiously as to not spread the disease to loved ones or strangers. We are trying to be more patient with super market workers and each other and most of us are washing our hands obsessively (as least I am!).

Time over the past year seemed to stand still as if we were all collectively frozen in place while the trees and grass grew around us, in a state of shock and morbidity dominated by nothing but negativity on the TV and internet, at each other throats like starving lions devouring an antelope.

But there were glimpses of hope and goodwill, humans showing compassion towards one another by practicing kindness in all sizes big and small, so that we may all make it through this together. If we only take one lesson from this year it is that we all need to be more understanding. We can disagree but still find a middle ground, and on that ground we can build anew, build a society that is inclusive and forgiving, gentle and compassionate, free and equal.

I have been trying to work on myself to become and instrument of that new world, I have been trying to push aside my anger, lay to rest my dread and embrace myself as an individual amongst the collective on a personal mission to leave the world better than when it found me. I hope you will do the same dear reader, and I wish you the very best in the new year, may it bring you happiness, health, and prosperity.

Also, I will try to post more this year. lol.

truth and lies

statik

Who can you believe? Who can you trust?

Questions that are evolutionary, encoded deep within our cells, the basic binary of existence. If yes; I will continue to live on, if no; I will not. This digital age we find ourselves living in would fucking kill our ancient ancestors within hours of them attempting to absorb the gravity of it all.

Or maybe not. Though it would be ‘heavy’ as Marty McFly would say. Imagine you are Caesar of Rome and I pulled you through time and space and you pop up sitting beside me in a computer chair as I open twitter and look at you and smile.

“Welcome to the future!”

Now you are Caesar so you might just draw your sword and decapitate me right there on the spot, or maybe he just smiles back and says:

“Show me more”.

Then again there is nothing left for him to conquer, although he would probably try in vain. He would get shot trying to break into some military base or something, screaming in ancient tongue rally cry’s of the Roman legions. All the troops would think he was just some escaped mental patient, but there would be a few who watch a lot of flat earth YouTube videos, and they would be like:

“Wait, isn’t that Caesar!?”

And goddammit, they would be right!

pandemic

statik

Within the past week there has been a seismic shift in all of our daily lives as the Coronavirus (COVID-19) has become a full blown pandemic. Daily life as we use to know it has almost completely disappeared and we are now being forced to reconcile with the fact that we may not get back to how things were for some time, as steps are taken worldwide to curb the spread of the virus.

Everyday since it was declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization I feel like I have been on a crazy nonstop roller coaster. I struggle with a pretty severe anxiety condition that leads me to not leaving my house much and obsessing over all sorts of rational and irrational thoughts and worries. One of those being that I get really sick and need to be hospitalized, I have a huge problem dealing with health issues and going to doctors or the ER. So, a global plague as you can imagine has sent my anxiety into overdrive, and I know I am not alone. Everyday I feel a small throat scratch, or feel more tired than yesterday and I immediately start fearing I may have contracted the virus. My mood ebbs and flows but overall I feel as if I am living in a waking nightmare, the world seems to be collapsing all around me and there is no end in sight and not much I can personally do to control it, except obsessively washing my hands every five seconds.

The most bizarre thing is how a large portion of the population sees this as just another flu and nothing to get excited about. This past weekend everyone was out partying it up like it was any other weekend, not realizing that many people are asymptomatic and spread the virus to others unknowingly. Spreading to people who may have compromised immune systems or underlying health conditions that make it easier for the virus to make them deathly sick. Although most states have now closed all bars and restaurants indefinitely, which brings up another side effect of the virus: the economy collapse. People are losing their jobs in droves, business are closing and production lines are halting. Millions of people no longer have a next paycheck coming and are being told to stay home in a house or apartment that they may no longer be able to pay rent or mortgage on.

Strange new times we find ourselves living in, the new normal is uncertainty, and maybe it always was. The world is an even more dangerous place than it was yesterday, however, in desperate times like these the strength of the human race can also blossom. There is a sense that we are all in this together and that we should shed our petty differences in order to work to lessen the blow, to share the load and to help one another emerge on the other side of this pandemic a unified species. Hopefully some real good will come out of this onslaught we are under by this awful microscopic menace.

nostalgia

statik

In the late 80’s when I was not but 6 years old I remember asking my father if I could get a magic 8 ball, I had seen one during a TV commercial while watching cartoons. He said yes and we hopped into his car and drove down the street to a Children’s Palace toy store. I loved that store, the whole front facade was made to look like a castle with two ramparts on either side of the entrance. We made our way inside and I knew exactly where to go to snatch my treasure. I opened it as soon as we were back in the car and began putting my faith in the answers it would show, the small multi-sided die inside would sink into the inky liquid after a shake, and then mysteriously float back up to the top window and reveal an ominous answer to your query.

I feel bad for kids today as most of the major toy stores are out of business and they will never get to see the glory of a whole store filled with toys from wall to wall. My mom use to drag me to department stores or the mall, and while she shopped I would play in the clothing racks, pretending I was hiding from cops or Indians (it was the 80s, okay?). Afterwards she would sometimes reward me for being good by stopping off at Toys’ R Us and allow me to pick out one or two small things, usually an action figure or small Lego set. I would stand in awe at the huge wall of board games they had at this store, from floor to ceiling and for a decent length– or the video game aisle and its endless possibilities of fun.

I feel sort of lucky to have grown up during that time, before the craziness of the internet and its effect of making the world seem smaller. When we stayed outside all day during the summer and played hide and go seek after supper while dusk set in and lightning bugs filled the yards as far as the eye can see. I can almost smell the sweet, cool night summer air.

At least the good memories out weigh the bad, but the nostalgia is still bittersweet. The freedom of being a child may be gone now but freedom as an adult has its benefits as well, and I think we should enjoy it just the same. I do miss seeing all those lightning bugs…

algorithmic

statik

I remember watching a YouTube video some time ago and the presenter was talking about a website that through some algorithmic code could display every combination of words that has or would ever be written. The Library of Babel, every word in every novel, every poem, hell even this blog post: contained within.

This got me thinking about originality. The words that I type now are first a thought, a blink of electricity in my brain that at the speed of light are transmitted down through my arms and into my fingers, which glide (albeit somewhat clumsily) across the keys– and those words, as if I am casting a digital spell, appear onto the screen. To think that a computer in some server room located in a nondescript place on earth has already been programmed to spit out the same words is sort of eerie and poses the question: should I even write them at all?

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

― Ernest Hemingway

Yes. That computer and it’s algorithm may be able to display this post in it’s entirety, but it cannot feel it. It doesn’t understand the emotion, or meaning. And besides, some human programed it do perform that nifty trick, so its really just a slave to human creativity. A tool.

Nonetheless it is interesting, but have no fear it will not deter me from continuing to write here, even if it has all been written before. If you are interested about learning more about The Library of Babel, check out this article here.

as the world turns

statik

The world moves fast as I sit at my desk peering out the window while the rain falls. People walk by and cars zip through the intersection, some with loud music and bass that shakes my room. It is an odd juxtaposition, the stillness of my room and life against the bluster of activity just outside.

Its not that I have any interest in what everyone is doing as they scatter about, and I’m not sure any of it is important. Am I important? Are these words? Probably not but I don’t have anything else to do. I guess that’s it, everyone is just doing something, some activity they had written on a list the week prior, like a doctor’s appointment or birthday party. Or getting a haircut, in which I’m in need of myself.

Maybe someone will watch me walk by their window on my way to the barber, they could yell out for me to wake up from my perpetual daze before I walk off the curb and into oncoming traffic. The impact of the speeding car would throw my body a great distance and it would be doubtful I would land in one piece.

Nobody schedules an appointment for that. Would anyone like to know their death date? I’m sure many would, to see where ya stand, how much time you have left to enjoy the finer things in life… sex and drugs and rock an roll. I don’t think I would want to know, maybe it is best if it were to happen in some manner where I am blissfully ignorant of it. I don’t know.

Until then, take it easy.

inception

statik

I woke up this morning slightly hung over from beers imbibed the night prior, five bottles of Stella Artois drank alone as I sat at my computer listening to music. Whether out of boredom or inspired from the alcohol haze I find myself in I have come to the conclusion that I want to start a new blog, this blog, in which I write about a plethora of topics– most notably my life.

I really don’t expect many people to read this and I won’t be spreading it around on social media or promoting it at all, but if by luck of the Google algorithm you find yourself here I hope that you can forgive my sloppy grammar and find my words helpful or at the very least entertaining.

Well, that is all for now. Not really sure when I’ll add the next entry or how often I will post, but feel free to bookmark this site and check in whenever. Until next time, take it easy.